To :CC ‘ALL CONTACTS’
Thank you for your recent correspondence, I always love receiving your electronic mail into my personal computer inbox. I hope that these replies reach you in good stead and that I can help you on your quest, whatever hardships that may entail.
Once again I thank you for taking the time to contact such a novice (as I undoubtedly am) on my journey on this ‘information super highway’. I have addressed your queries below – I am slightly bemused by some but have done my best to provide sufficient information for you to carry out your job properly and hope I have been of adequate assistance.
Sender: Easy Formula 4 Cash
Subject: Earn up to €500 every 15 minutes
It appears that you may have misjudged my profession for someone that may flutter on the stock market, or indeed work in the financial sector. I apologise for any confusion I have caused and have notified my local tax office to make sure there are no discrepancies within my financial dealings and trust that this is a satisfactory resolution.
An ‘easy formula 4 [sic] cash’ could be a very dangerous thing in modern society and I urge you to use this information wisely with the economy being in the state that it currently rests.
I have used my own modest mathematic ability to work out that if what you are saying is true, and I do not doubt your integrity for a moment, that someone could earn up to two thousand Euros every hour – which is way above the national rate of earnings of any country within the European Union.
Please consider carefully how to share this information in the future and good luck in your business ventures.
Subject: BEST PRICE ON ALL DRUGS [PHARMACY ONLINE]
Dear Sir / Madam,
Thank you for your urgent message – this would indeed seem to be financially beneficial to myself, and for bringing it to my attention I thank you sincerely. Also with your guarantee that you can deliver the best price on all drugs, I no longer need to spend my own leisure time browsing for other similar merchants, a chore that I would not wish to bestow upon anyone. I shall go forth with information of your astounding claim and will be sure to pass on your details to friends and family so they may also share the benefits of this knowledge.
Subject: Hey Babe I freakin MISS you!
Thank for your kind, if uncomfortably intimate, message. Firstly, it appears that you may have a problem with your personal computer as your name is displayed in capitals on my computer monitor screen. Maybe if you would be as kind as to depress the caps lock key. I hope that is just the ticket.
Although flattered, I am awfully embarrassed to say that I do not really remember acquainting myself with you – I feel a great sense of shame that someone would be wanting after myself so vigorously. I apologise profusely to you and hope you can jog my memory in further correspondence so I may share the sense of adoration that you have so fervently expressed.
So here are just a few of my naive responses to such spam email, do any of you have any?